Posts tagged diva
The Devil Wears Osh Kosh
Oct 29th
Today is school picture day. As all you parents know school pictures have become quite the racket. Because my daughter is a diva and this is one of the most important days of the school year she decided to take the liberty of helping me to fill out the form full of options.
Basic Package - $30
Option 1 - Choosing a background color to complement the outfit she painstakingly picked out while I hid in the corner in the fetal position, trying not to get whacked in the head with a flying glitter belt, because I obviously have absolutely no fashion sense. – $8
Option 2 - Choosing just the right pose to show off perfect hairdo, color-enhanced, shine serumed, flat-ironed and sprayed, by Mommy who hasn’t touched her own hair with a brush all month. – $7
Option 3 - Retouching just in case 30 minutes of practicing pinching her cheeks in the mirror to give them the perfect flush and, way too expensive for an eight year old, tinted moisturizer don’t do the trick. – $10
Option 4 - 80 extra wallet size pictures to be sure that every single person Savannah has ever known has a photo that they, of course, will want to carry around 24 hours a day. - $30
Option 5 - Photo CD just in case every single person Savannah knows wants to have her smiling face as a screen saver. – $25
Option 6 (not included on the form) - Broken camera equipment when Savannah finds out her personal photo shoot lasts all of 30 seconds and bears no resemblance to the photo shoots on Americas Next Top Model. - $2000 (just a guesstimate)
Result – Drunkenly pulling out Savannah’s 2nd grade school picture to show to her prom date while she makes him wait for her grand entrance. – Priceless
