Archive for June, 2009
Summer Dreams
Jun 12th
School is out. Summer is here. And as excited as I am that I made it through another school year without beating the crossing guard to a pulp because I definitely think people with ginormous gas guzzlers and no air conditioning should get parking preference, I’m still very nervous about making it through the next two months. This summer I have decided to keep both my kids out of daycare and cut back my work hours to spend more time with them. HAHA! You know I meant to save a little cash. With the money I am going to save this summer I could take a nice relaxing vacation, except that I would now have to take my kids with me because I have to take them EVERYWHERE with me this summer. I’m not quite sure what the hell I was thinking. I don’t think I’m a bad mom but I do start having panic attacks and crying fits if I have to spend more than 24 hours straight with them. At least I might have enough saved up for the padded room come August.
Damn Eddie Bauer
Jun 8th
Over the weekend I broke my sons carseat and had to get a new one. I am usually a do it yourselfer but I could not figure this thing out. I took it to my babies daddy’s house to get some help i.e. have someone to scream at since I was not going to be able to find the woman who sold it to me at 8pm on a Sunday. He suggested I take it to a firestation to have it installed. What an ass! He knows I would have to drive over an hour in any direction to find a firestation where I would not run into anyone I have gone out with. I cant call 911 either. I have dated a lot over the last year and at least 90% of those dates have been with cops and firefighters. It has nothing to do with men in uniform. Emotional unavailability and the fact that my life is not nearly as screwed up as what they see everyday is very comforting. Hopefully, I am over that stage. I have a full tank of gas so I’m off to have my carseat installed and maybe get some plans for the weekend.
That's Right
Jun 4th
A couple days ago I nominated myself for a bloggers choice award. That’s right I nominated myself. Just in case blogging and expecting people to enjoy it wasn’t narcissistic enough. I have to assume that most blogs get nominated by their creators. The difference is that I am not very creative with usernames and selected “maya_r” on the bloggers choice award website. I tried to change it after the fact but much like my pregnancies whats done is done and I have to make the best of it.
However, my obsession with myself is not the saddest part of this whole nomination thing. There are a few people that I ask for advice before I do anything and I asked all of these people which categories I should nominate myself in. “Humor” was unanimous. Wait a minute! This is my life I’m blogging about! I have learned that my loved ones think my anger, confusion, paranoia and the fact that my children might as well be raised by wolves are all hilarious. They are now all on my list.
So even if you are just voting for me out of pity please vote for me http://bloggerschoiceawards.com/blogs/show/76247/?utm_source=bloggerschoiceawards&utm_medium=badge&utm_content=besthumorblog
Thanks
I’m Sorry
Jun 3rd
My all time favorite children’s book is If You Give a Pig a Pancake.The story is a day in the life of a very distracted pig. If you haven’t read it I highly recommend it. I totally relate to that little pig and the story inspired the following.
I call it If Maya Needs to get a Beer. Enjoy…
If I sit down to talk to you on the phone I am probably drinking a beer. Chances are I will interrupt you at a crucial part of the conversation to get a second beer. On the way to the refrigerator I will remember that I have to go to the bathroom because I have a bladder the size of a peanut. While I’m in the bathroom I will notice that I forgot to wax the back of my left leg, it will only take a second, I don’t want to forget again. I will probably be out of wax remover so I will rummage the kitchen cabinets looking for something to get the wax residue off. Using up all the peanut butter will remind me that I need to go grocery shopping. I will need a pen and some paper to make a list. Unfortunately I will not be able to find a pen but I will find my keys between the couch cushions and I better hang them on their hook by the front door before I lose them again. When I hang my keys I notice my spare bottle opener which reminds me I needed a beer. That’s when I will remember I was on the phone with you and … Crap! I owe you a big apology again and we should just stick to texting from now on.
Bedlam
Jun 1st
Yesterday I went with my kids to Busch Gardens. We had such a wonderful time. Definitely one of those days that reminds me that my kids are my reason for living. When we got home I was horrified to discover that my house had been ransacked. It is a terrifying feeling. You would think I would be used to it though since this is what I come home to every single day.
I am a walking tornado. I thrive on chaos and despise housework more than anything else in the world. If you ever stop by my house unexpectedly I will probably blame my children for the disaster. Honestly I try to keep them out of the house as much as possible because I get tired of hearing them complain about the mess. Its all me. I will do absolutely anything to put off housework. Its one of the reasons I started this blog. Writing is a way better excuse for not cleaning than watching Law and Order reruns all day. I will never understand how people keep clean organized homes or cars or work spaces or children. Oddly enough one of my favorite things to do to avoid housework is to buy cleaning products. I guess my secret hope is that one day one of my kids is going to turn into one of those weirdo neat freaks and I just want to be prepared.
