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It’s snowing again and I was in complete denial about the forecast, again.

Apparently grocery shopping before snow is not as stupid as I previously thought.

I’ve got one “ham” and cheese hot pocket (I’m not a picky eater, but mystery meat is strictly for children under 12), hummus (no bread or veggies to dip in it), what might be mexican leftovers  (from three weeks ago) and mustard.

My neighbors are not home to clean off my car.

I could walk to the store if I get hungry, but I probably won’t because I do have ten out of a twelve pack and three bottles of wine, my neighbors will hopefully be home by the time I sober up.

♦♦♦♦

Note to my enemies who are thinking this would be a good day to call social services: First of all, it’s snowing in Richmond, most of the city, including government employees, have five gallons of milk and 7 loaves of bread to drink and eat today, they are very busy. Secondly, my kids are at their Dad’s. Being snowbound, even if just for a day, does not put me in a bonding kind of mood.

My efforts to avoid laundry have once again paid off tremendously. I love the internet with all of my heart.

The Brady family has apparently not uploaded a family tree on MyHeritage.com. Anyone who knows anything about the most awesome daytime soap ever, Days of Our Lives, knows that the first pic is NOT Krista Allen who replaced Lisa Rinna as Billie Reed, the cokehead, skank who ruined Bo and Hope’s lives, but Christie Clark who potrayed goody two shoes, Carrie Brady, daughter of demon possessed Marlena and Roman (not the imposter, John Black) Brady. Duh!

Yesterday the kids and I had a great time visiting the Science Museum of Virginia. I’ve visited the museum since I was a kid and have always loved it.

This year we got a family membership for Christmas and because we have had pretty crappy weather so far this year, we have quickly become regulars (I apologize to the staff).

Yesterday’s trip was a milestone for us. Over the years I have taken Wednesday’s friends with us on all kind of museum, zoo and park outings, but yesterday was my first outing with one of MC Bizzy J’s friends.  We had a really great time and I learned just how different boys and girls really are.

Boys are LOUD. I knew this about MC Bizzy J but thought it was just a stage he would soon grow out of.

I have now given up hope.

Don’t get me wrong, Wednesday and her friends can be noisy and rambunctious, but after a few squeals and bear hugs they are usually very reserved and composed in public.

Not MC Bizzy J and his crew.

Our Science Museum is in an old train station, the atrium has a huge vaulted ceiling, that creates a very nice echo. I have to admit that hearing it is a great motivation to use your outdoor voice, but because it didn’t seem like the boys would ever get over the excitement of the echo, I thought we might need a couple rules for the day. All of the exhibits are interactive so all we really needed were no yelling and no running. For sanity and safety.

Everyone agreed that those were fair rules, for exactly ten seconds.

The first screams came from MC Bizzy J himself, after running, head first, into a five foot wide marble column. I was so confused about how his could have happened that I pretty much gave up on the rules.

Wednesday was a great help to me all day, trying to help the boys with the exhibits….

She first won them over in the insect and reptile lab, where she encouraged them to be brave and pet the snake.

They “politely” declined the offer to hold the Madagascar Hissing Cockroach (this pic is actually from our last visit, I was too busy having a panic attack to take a picture this time, praying the boy’s screams of “EW! GROSS!” and their wild arm flailing didn’t send that nasty beast flying in my direction. I still feel like something is crawling on me.),  but were wowed by her bravery.

She was a hero. She could read and reach the toys that were on the top shelves. She offered to hold hands during the Planetarium show and when the boys were still scared, she admitted that she was sometimes afraid of the dark too.

After lunch she lead the great potty break revolt. Her soldiers marched behind me chanting “we are angry at you” with very serious scowls on their little faces.

She picked the souvenirs the boys would like best in the gift shop and directed all elevator button pushing. She was on top of the world.

She then decided to organize the pyramid building…

Things started out a little rocky.

But she was able to get things under control pretty quickly.

All that hard work wore the boys out, so they cut out for an early break.

Unfortunately, the job was nowhere close to done.

Wednesday learned the valuable lesson that if you want a job done right it is best to do it yourself.

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But sadly, just as quickly as it had begun, her reign as coolest big sister in the whole world was over.

I’m a little disappointed in myself for not posting yesterday. I was so tired, and totally forgot.

I’m not beating myself up though.

I was totally right when I said how awesome 2010 was going to be.  I have gone through some kind of weird miraculous transformation over the last three weeks.

I’ve been super busy. So busy I haven’t even had time to look in the mirror.

I have dropped an entire pant size this month. My weight loss advice to you all is get happy. Get excited about something and forget about anything stupid.

Also, I am very proud to say that I either have a jarful of very active dust bunnies or I have kept those sea monkeys alive for five whole days.

I have said that I always take full responsibility for my actions.

Tonight, I’m taking it back.

If I get new windshield wiper blades because the one on my passenger side falls off in the middle of a rainstorm, only to have the brand new drivers side blade fall off ten minutes after being installed, during the same rainstorm, I cannot be held responsible for running over anyone.  Especially if that person is not in the cross walk. While I usually can understand and sympathize with an 80-year-old woman walking slowly through the grocery store parking lot, I cannot help but wonder why an 80-year-old woman would wear 4 inch heels to the grocery store.  (I didn’t run over anyone, but seriously, speed it up or get some New Balances.)

Also, I have a very vivid imagination and get spooked easily. So if I mention that I sometimes get a little creeped out while turning out all the lights at work and one of my coworkers decides to spell out “HELP” in flatware on the kitchen counter after a conversation about poltergeists, I cannot be held responsible for pocketing one of the forks to use in self-defense. And if one of my coworkers decides that it might be fun to jump out from behind a door to try to scare me, I cannot be held responsible for stabbing them in the forehead with the pocketed fork. (I also didn’t stab anyone in the forehead. I’m just saying, knock it off, jerkface!)

I feel like I’m totally cheating on this NaBloPoMo, but I will not fail.

I’m also not making any more commitments, except that one, I guess.

Another repost (this one totally fits because it seems that working a few more hours a week is also an excellent reason to avoid housework)….

Bedlam

Yesterday I went with my kids to Busch Gardens. We had such a wonderful time. Definitely one of those days that reminds me that my kids are my reason for living. When we got home I was horrified to discover that my house had been ransacked. It is a terrifying feeling. You would think I would be used to it though since this is what I come home to every single day.

I am a walking tornado. I thrive on chaos and despise housework more than anything else in the world. If you ever stop by my house unexpectedly I will probably blame my children for the disaster. Honestly I try to keep them out of the house as much as possible because I get tired of hearing them complain about the mess. Its all me. I will do absolutely anything to put off housework. Its one of the reasons I started this blog. Writing is a way better excuse for not cleaning than watching Law and Order reruns all day. I will never understand how people keep clean organized homes or cars or work spaces or children. Oddly enough one of my favorite things to do to avoid housework is to buy cleaning products. I guess my secret hope is that one day one of my kids is going to turn into one of those weirdo neat freaks and I just want to be prepared.

I’m worn out and just in case you are one of the many people I was supposed to call tonight, here is a repost that will make you think we were actually on the phone….

I’m Sorry

My all time favorite children’s book is If You Give a Pig a Pancake.The story is a day in the life of a very distracted pig.  If you haven’t read it I highly recommend it. I totally relate to that little pig and the story inspired the following.

I call it If Maya Needs to get a Beer.  Enjoy…

I don’t have much time because I have to get back to staring at the sea monkey tank Wednesday got for Christmas.

Really! I have been deprived of them my whole life, and we were sure to follow the instructions to the letter. It’s abnormally exciting for me.

Before I go wanted to mention what a great time the kids, their Dad and I had at the PTA International Night.

They had a super cute “parade of nations” where children carried the flags of 16 nations represented at the school, followed by a traditional Chinese ribbon dance.

I love the diversity at Wednesday’s school and it was great to see it celebrated this way.

Because it is so diverse the food tables looked incredible! Unfortunately, I’m not a big fan of waiting in line for food that has been picked over by 100 6 to 10 years olds, in the middle of flu season.

Instead we were able to visit the information tables that each grade had worked so hard on.

Of course, the second grade table, representing China, was the best, with a calligrapher and some of my own little angel’s artwork.

But no Capital of the South, elementary school international night, would be complete without a teacher, wearing a giant, foam “taco bell” taco on her head, to represent Mexico.

Really.

Since we’ve been go, go, going for the past two months, I decided that today we would just stay home and play all day.

MC Bizzy J has been racing cars  and building with Lincoln Logs.

Wednesday, aka Lady Dementia, has also been doing some building….

In case your child is normal and you can’t figure out what this is, here is the artists own description…

This is the haunted graveyard. I made it with toothpicks, wine corks and barbies. Some of them were killed, one of them just died.  The blond one that is turned over was in the shower and somebody shot her legs off. The second blond one was in the shower too, but not with the other one, and she slipped and you can see her bones and guts sticking out. Then, the one that has the black hair, first somebody shot her feet off and then the dog bit her hand off. Then the one with the light brown hair was getting ready to get in the pool and somebody said “I’m gonna chop your feet off” and that’s what they did. Then her twin, the ballerina, she was at a ballet recital and then she accidental tripped on something sharp and it chopped her feet off, and she died from blood loss. The one with the dark brown hair, she had a really bad rash and when she woke up her feet were inside her legs. The red-haired one was a race car driver and she got in an accident, they had to amputate her feet. A few days later, she got in another accident, and she died.  Two angels, named Glitter and Stars, watched over them forever. The End…for the dead barbies

They really need to stop making the Bratz feet detachable, and I think I’m beginning to understand my insomnia.

I’ve got some weird stuff going on in my brain. All this clear, organized , logical thinking going on.

It’s freaking me out a little, but I figure it won’t last long, so I better make the best of it.

I’m not going to push myself too hard to be creative and witty tonight, but my readers can always count on MC Bizzy J.

I just finished tucking him into bed with his pirate gun resting next to him.

I had no intentions of letting my kids play with guns, but I am not a perfect parent, and everything in my house has been turned into a toy gun anyway.

I also do not encourage MC Bizzy J to sleep with his toy guns, but he assured me he wasn’t going to point it at anyone tonight.

Except the bad guys…

And maybe bad pets

I can assure you that, while my pets are very bad, they have never dared to get within 20 feet of MC Bizzy J.  They will be safe and sound tonight.