food issues
Good Morning
Nov 7th
This is going to have to be a short post because I’m in kind of a hurry this morning. I have to be at work early on Saturdays and today I have to make a quick stop at the store on my way.
Remember I had a bit of a stomach bug earlier this week? It sucked but usually these things give me a little jump start on losing some weight (don’t act like I’m crazy, this is a normal thought process for most women, blame society). Well, it worked. I dropped 5 pounds this week.
Unfortunately, it came from the one place that I can’t afford to lose an ounce. So now I have to get to Target as soon as they open to pick out my new training bra. I want to get there early so I get first pick, it’s the start of the holiday season, you know.
And if I have to have Hannah Montana’s face plastered across my brand new quadruple “a” cups I can guarantee its not going to be a good day.
Babysteps
May 17th
Friday night I physically attacked my bathroom scale when it showed that I had gained 7 pounds since the beginning of my fast food fast. Despite the fast I have been rebelling against exercise and eating healthy. Tortilla and salsa combos have become a daily snack. I swear they are the best junk food invention ever. They taste just like chips and salsa but you can eat them in bed.
Really I have been pretty lucky. I have always had a superfast metabolism that has allowed me to eat like a seven hundred pound man. The fact that I am built like a linebacker makes me feel a lot more confident about carrying an extra 10 or 50 pounds. So once again this year I’ve been playing chicken with bathing suit season and it seems my metabolism has turned on me. I still refuse to go to the gym. I will not cut into the beer budget.
So yesterday I decided to go on a run. I thought about running in my neighborhood but decided I wanted a cigarette first. So my dog, Junebug Jones, and I drove to the park. My goal was to run at least twenty minutes. I figured I would have to walk five and then run five since it’s been a while. Yesterday afternoon was hot and muggy but I was determined. I walked my five then started to run. Exactly one minute, forty six seconds later I went down. I’m not sure whether I blacked out or my dog tripped me or a little of both. Luckily I came to just as I was hitting the ground and was able to avoid any serious injuries.
Today I’ll try my pilates video.
This sucks!!
May 9th
As much as I hate the idea I might to have to start exercising more. I’m not committing to anything just yet. Right now my routine consists of roaming the streets after work trying not to look like I have forgotten where I parked my car and chasing my dog down when I am too drunk to remember how to put her leash on properly. I thought that cutting out a few thousand calories a day would make a difference. But when I stepped on the bathroom scale the other day I realized the fast food fast is not going to do the trick. I have been gaining still and bathing suits are only three weeks away. This is total bullshit.
Oh yay! Gotta go. The ice cream truck is here. Surely waving my arms like a crazy person because the confused driver doesn’t usually stop for adults counts for something.
I Will Survive
May 3rd
Contents of my fridge last week: 10 beers, 2 empty wine bottles, stick of butter, jellybeans, ranch dressing, 3 oranges, bacon bits, moldy grapes? can’t tell for sure, ice trays.
Contents of my fridge now: a bunch of shit I don’t know what to do with.
Two weeks ago I asked my kids what they wanted for dinner. My daughter suggested subway. My immediate response was, “I’m not taking ya’ll anywhere that doesn’t have a drive thru.” That’s when I knew for sure I had a problem. For the past four months I have eaten fast food at least once a day. Really.
I am now on day 6 of a 30 day fast food fast. So far it sucks
monday: grocery shopping overwhelming but exciting.
tuesday: veggie burger for lunch. Thank god for those bacon bits.
wednesday: mini nervous breakdown. Uncontrollable crying.
thursday: migraine headache. Maybe a stroke?
friday: blind rage followed by another headache.
saturday: hot flashes and chills. Horrible digestive issues.
Finally it has occured to me that I am suffering from withdrawals. I am disgusted by my addiction.
But a nachos bellgrande sure does sound good.
