I have said that I always take full responsibility for my actions.

Tonight, I’m taking it back.

If I get new windshield wiper blades because the one on my passenger side falls off in the middle of a rainstorm, only to have the brand new drivers side blade fall off ten minutes after being installed, during the same rainstorm, I cannot be held responsible for running over anyone.  Especially if that person is not in the cross walk. While I usually can understand and sympathize with an 80-year-old woman walking slowly through the grocery store parking lot, I cannot help but wonder why an 80-year-old woman would wear 4 inch heels to the grocery store.  (I didn’t run over anyone, but seriously, speed it up or get some New Balances.)

Also, I have a very vivid imagination and get spooked easily. So if I mention that I sometimes get a little creeped out while turning out all the lights at work and one of my coworkers decides to spell out “HELP” in flatware on the kitchen counter after a conversation about poltergeists, I cannot be held responsible for pocketing one of the forks to use in self-defense. And if one of my coworkers decides that it might be fun to jump out from behind a door to try to scare me, I cannot be held responsible for stabbing them in the forehead with the pocketed fork. (I also didn’t stab anyone in the forehead. I’m just saying, knock it off, jerkface!)