I have to give my ex the credit for the title of my blog. Last spring we were at dinner with our kids and as per usual they were driving me absolutely insane. As we were getting into the car he said to me “It’s all going to be Okay. Straitjackets are slimming.”

Genius! I knew right then that was the most perfect title for my first memoirs. With a title like that a book didn’t even have to be any good!

A month or so later I decided to start a blog and “Straitjackets are Slimming” popped back into my head.

It’s one of those things that sounds so perfectly familiar that of course, I was sure I had heard it somewhere so I decided to google it just to be sure it was not already in use.

I am not completely naive, but am a little prudish. There are certain things that just aren’t appropriate to talk about in mixed company. The things that came up in my initial google searches made me blush.

I am proud to say that now when I google the words “straitjackets slimming” my blog shows up in almost two complete pages of search results.

In all my blog reading I have seen people list the google searches that led readers to their blog. A couple months ago I had none.

Last night I checked again (I’m snowbound and facebook has changed privacy rules, so I am left to stalk myself), and I was mortified.

Here are the top disturbing google searches that have led to Straitjackets are Slimming.

  • warm sexy crotchless pajamas (okay not that disturbing but it led to a post about my dog which I thought was funny. Trust me, it gets better.)
  • become a fan of not being eaten (Sorry not better yet. Even though this obviously refers to facebook it is really funny to me.)
  • afraid to be single forever and what am i supposed to be doing with my life (I’m a little sorry for the folks that wound up here. I’m sure it wasn’t that big of a help.)
  • very thin “forgot to eat” (Once again wrong place. I’m really confused about how this one happened.)
  • most torture slimming experience ” (Here’s where it starts to get weird. If you are easily creeped out stop here.)

I knew that would make you keep reading, no matter how bored you were getting.

  • is liking straitjackets a bad thing (Probably not as bad as the next two.)
  • children put in straitjackets stories** (What!? Obviously we have quickly stepped into SVU territory)
  • straitjackets for kids** (Whoa! I have to say I hope they gave up after this one and if so I am proud to have done the world a public service.)
  • dadys closet straitjacket (While I was terrified to google the previous two myself. This one seems to be a search for a popular leather apparel store)

And my very favorite…

  • women in straitjackets and diapers (I am more naive than I thought)

I have learned that the internet is a very scary place and I am more than a little nervous about the visitors I will get from this post.  Surely it is the first of many creepy google search term posts.

**These results are the reason I do not believe in a right to privacy except for cases of basic identity theft. If you are here from one of these searches I hope Big Brother has an eye on you, please seek help immediately.