This is Only the Beginning

Before I get to Word Wall Wednesday, I have two things I want to mention.

First, my cats are fine. They didn’t touch the poinsettia and just in case I called my vet to see if I should just toss it.  They are not deadly poisonous they will just cause a little stomach upset. Honestly, that would serve them right for destroying everything in my house.  Before you animal lovers get all bent out of shape and call the animal cops, know that I have tried to report myself and they won’t take them back.

Also, I’m really excited to announce that Lady Wanderlust at The World According to Lisa interviewed me for The Great Interview Experiment 2009. Her blog is one of my new favorites and it seems we may have been separated at birth. So a big thanks to Neil Kramer at Citizen of the Month for this awesome project.

The interview I did will be posted soon and I would like to invite any of my readers who would like to be featured here in an interview to let me know.

Because one of her questions for me centered around my post “Single Life“, which was my actual Match.com profile for about a year, I decided I would step away from the usual parenting theme of Word Wall Wednesday and use my daughter’s second grade vocabulary words to illustrate a few reasons why I am taking a well deserved break from dating.

In an effort to not waste anyone’s time I am always up front and honest,  the unfortunate truth is, no matter the age, background or experience, men do not listen.

If a man agrees with most of the things you say, returns all of your texts and phone calls within minutes, and shows up for all of your dates on time he probably does not have a job.

Turns out, no matter what they say, men with young children usually are looking for a step-mother. Any reasons you have for believing they aren’t are probably good clues that they are still married to said young children’s mother.

Cutting all communication after any mention of a restraining order against an ex-wife, is the best way to avoid a surprise attack in the ladies room during an otherwise very nice first date.

While I appreciate the generosity of older men , I get very uncomfortable having to refuse more than one offer of having my children come over to play on a backyard swing set, especially if the offerer’s adult children do not allow their own kids to visit unchaperoned.

Checking a man’s trunk for “a friend’s car seat” is a good way to avoid breaking your new rule of not dating men with children.

Men my age who have never been in a committed relationship may seem perfect, but sometimes the reason is a gastrointestinal issue that probably should be discussed before chinese food at his very tiny apartment, where even the noise from a heavy rain can’t hide the horrifying sounds of an obviously unhealthy bowel movement.

If his bowels work just fine, there is a great chance he kisses his dog with an open mouth.

When you realize that a man has not been completely honest about his height, pray that his Napoleon complex does not compel him to make loud racist comments in a crowded bar after a drink or two.

A man who knows the dictionary definition of a stalker, will know all of your states stalker laws and how to obey them. They also probably know a lot more about you than you would expect.

Sadly, this list is only the tip of the iceberg.