Become a Fan on Facebook, or Suck It.

I am addicted to Facebook.

Addicted, in a pretty obnoxious, sometimes five status updates in a day kind of way. 

I’m beginning to think that people have started hiding my posts and it’s becoming obvious that people are ignoring my “page suggestions.”

Of course, I have created a fan page for Straitjackets are Slimming on Facebook, and of course, I sent personal invitations to every single one of my so-called ”friends”.

I just noticed that I’m missing about two-thirds of my Facebook friends on the fan page. 

I’m am proud to say that I have a very diverse group of Facebook friends. There are a few that are “Waiting for the Zombie Apocalypse,” while “Yelling at inanimate objects” and one who has proudly announced that “I am Rapture Ready.” 

I understand that these things take up a lot of time, so whenever you get around to becoming a fan of Straitjackets are Slimming, is fine with me.

I’m also really happy to have such smart Facebook friends.

I just assumed “Not Being Eaten,”  ”Not being Impaled,” “Not having an STD,” and  “Not being set on fire” were understood, until I saw that a few of my friends “Support Chris Brown” and are “In Defense of Michael Vick” (really assholes!?).  I guess I’m okay with them not being fans, mostly because they are confused or illiterate. 

Can somebody please read this to them…Woman beaters usually don’t discriminate, Chris Brown is just as likely whip up on your sister or mother, unless she’s bigger than him.  Of course, he’s probably not responsible for his actions because, as all Michael Vick supporters know, ”culture” and “background” are valid excuses for sociopathic behavior.

When I do something so horrible that I have to publicly surrender myself to Jesus, I’ll let you know. Maybe then you will be more likely to become a fan of my blog.

Still even more disturbing are the number of my Facebook friends (actually family members) who proudly announce “I miss George Bush”or the ones who think Jeff Dunham and Larry the Cable Guy are funny enough to become fans, but not my blog.

Way to be supportive guys! 

I’m sure you are tired from playing Farmville for four days straight but all it takes is one click, that’s it.

The same amount of time it took you to become a fan of “trampolines,” “socks,” or “glow sticks.”  

Come on guys, some of you are fans of  “becoming a fan” show your support to that page by clicking on mine.

While researching (Facebook stalking, which I am now a fan of) for this post, not only did I discover that the proper term is to “defriend” (I joined the group), I also realized that I do have a lot of Facebook friends who are regular readers, have become fans, and have even passed Straitjackets are Slimming on Facebook  along to others. Thanks, you guys, the support really does mean a lot to me. 

And to the rest of you…what does it matter you’re not even reading.